So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
