textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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