DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
