i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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