Someone shit on the floor
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
