White coat. Heels.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
