So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize