True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
