saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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