i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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