im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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