I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
