i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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