I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
