Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
