So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
