I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
