You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
