No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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