I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
