you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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