At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
