Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
