did you get engaged???
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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