Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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