I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
