Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
