Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
