Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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