I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
