my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
