i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
