so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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