I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
