I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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