Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
