I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
