Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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