forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
