We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
