yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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