you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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