I faked an abortion last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
