I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
