btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
