yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?