we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
