just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter