there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.