I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.