i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
