We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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