U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
