This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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