Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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