but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
