My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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