I cannot find my penis.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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