I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
