My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
