My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love accidental penises.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
