So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
