I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
