2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
